Demystifying Anxiety: What It Really Is and How to Work With It

If you struggle with anxiety, you are likely exhausted from constantly trying to manage it, fix it, or force it to go away. Many people who come to my counselling practice hold a lot of shame about their anxiety. We are conditioned to see it as a flaw or an enemy that must be eradicated so we can finally feel calm.

But what if anxiety isn't a disease to be cured, but a profound signal trying to help you?

To truly heal, we need to shift how we understand our anxious feelings. Anxiety is essentially a visceral experience of physical and emotional constriction. By learning to decode this constriction, you can transform your relationship with yourself. Here is a breakdown of what anxiety really is, and exactly how you can begin working with it.

What is Anxiety? The Three Levels

To understand anxiety, it helps to look at it through the lens of your mind, your emotions, and your physical body. When you break it down, anxiety operates on three distinct levels:

• Head: At this level, anxiety is constantly preparing for the attack, trying to figure out what can go wrong. It is your mind trying to control everything to keep you safe.

• Emotional: At the heart level, anxiety is a signpost pointing to unmet needs. Address it. Just like a mammal becomes anxious when its basic needs aren't met, we feel anxious when our emotional or psychological needs are neglected.

• Deep Nervous system: At the deepest somatic level, anxiety is a constriction of your life force. The more you pay attention to it, the more it transforms back into a life force. It is exactly like a baby who wants attention: it acts one way when it is crying for you, and completely different once it is held. Love it, give it your attention.

  
  

The Authenticity Connection

Often, anxiety is a direct byproduct of us making ourselves smaller, holding back our feelings, or hiding who we really are. When we don't feel safe, we naturally constrict.

As one profound realization puts it: "I'm anxious that might mean that I'm not saying my whole truth, I'm holding something in and since I don't feel safe that I can be myself of course I have anxiety! So that tells me oh here's a place where I need to speak my truth. The more authentic I am - the less anxiety I feel."

There is a powerful link between hiding our authenticity and feeling deep discomfort. When we stop pretending and start showing up authentically, the shame and anxiety we carry naturally begin to dissolve.

How to Work With Your Anxiety

Once you understand what anxiety is, the way you work with it has to change. Here are powerful ways to stop fighting yourself and start healing:

1. Stop Trying to "Get Rid" of It

When you feel anxious, your first instinct is likely to try to banish it. However, if you only sit with your anxiety in order to get rid of it, the practice will stop working. Instead of mere observation, the goal is actually to love the feeling. You want to reach a place where you welcome the anxiety because you know it is bringing you valuable information. True freedom is found when you are no longer trying to manage yourself.

2. Identify the Underlying Unmet Need

Because anxiety points to unmet needs, the actions we take when we are panicked are often slightly askew from what we actually require. For example, if you are anxious about getting fired, you might burn yourself out trying to be perfect. The real unmet need, however, might simply be clear expectations. A better action would be to have an honest conversation with your boss to establish exactly what is needed for you to succeed. When anxiety strikes, ask yourself: What need is currently going unmet?

3. Try the "Anxiety Journal" Technique

If your prefrontal cortex is spiraling into catastrophic "what-ifs," do not try to force yourself to stop thinking about it—research shows that suppressing thoughts only makes them louder. Instead, channel the anxiety using this structured journaling technique:

• Define the fear: Write down exactly what is troubling you, no matter how catastrophic.

• Create three scenarios: Write down the worst-case scenario, the best-case scenario, and the most likely scenario.

• Assign probabilities: Give an honest percentage to how likely each scenario actually is.

• Make a plan: Write down exactly what you would do in each of the three scenarios—even the worst one.

By doing this, you stop running from the fear and instead lean into it, which empowers your brain and body to process the threat effectively.

4. Feel It Somatically

Sometimes, the anxiety in our deep nervous system is too complex for a logical story. When this happens, drop the narrative entirely. Sit down, loosen the tension in your muscles, and just feel the physical sensation of the anxiety in your body. Let the life force move. Often, within moments of truly feeling it, an impulse will arise to take an action that is actually beneficial to you.

Learning to decode your anxiety and speak your truth is a journey, and you do not have to walk it alone. If you are ready to stop battling your nervous system and start addressing your unmet needs, I am here to help. Contact my counselling practice today to schedule a session, and let's explore how to turn your anxiety into your greatest ally.